Positive Reinforcement

Thank God for positive reinforcement!

You see, I have been doing so poorly in school for SOOOO long that I have forgotten how good it feels when you get good marks.

Did very well on my Organizational Behavior midterm at BCIT, while at the same time doing very well at my Distance-Ed course at UBC (Social Psych, a course I am taking simply to raise my GPA).

I loved it.  I mean, for the Social Psych course, when my Prof. e-mailed me the answer key, I found that my answer was actually ten times more in-depth than his.  That’s a great feeling to have.

That big, big question

“So, what do you look for in a wife-candidate?”

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Those of you who know me would know that I have always had the reputation of being a wife-hunter, and with that often came this question above.

I never really gave anyone a firm answer, because, quite frankly, I didn’t believe in coming up with a list.

Coming up with a list seemed to me more like a practice needed for getting the right car, getting the right laptop, getting the right soft-synth for your recording studio, etc.

However, when it comes to finding a wife, I thought I could just rely on that instinctual feeling – that feeling you get when the person you meet is the right one.  Only problem is, this would mean risky business because I hypothetically could have that very same feeling for 3 people at once.

And so I thought about it some more.

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If I really were to give you the list say, back 2-3 years ago, it would probably look something like this:

- worships Jesus as God;

- tries to love people;

- leads a couple of youth groups and what not at her home church;

- loves kids;

- has at least 2 siblings;

- supports a football team;

- knows what a flat9 13 chord is;

- reads her Bible daily, prays daily;

- knows her 20th century world history

- is not overly girly (does not wear makeup, does not stand still and expect the guys to do all the lifting, etc.);

- likes me;

There were some other things, too.  But I think you get my point.

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Today, I still have not come up with a list.  In fact, I still do not believe in coming up with a list.  BUT, I have come to become very attracted to one big attribute: being able to sing Mark Schultz’s song, “He Will Carry Me”.

Before I go on to explain what I mean by this (and I obviously do not mean being physically able to sing it), here are the words to the song:

I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength
That I will ever need
And He will carry me

I know I’m broken
But You alone can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I’ve never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you’d see me through the storm

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Now ain’t that a beautiful song.

You see, I think many random people can somehow fit into the list I have up there.  I mean, I just need to move to England or something like that, then I’m sure there would be plenty of Christian gals who support a football club and serve at church and what not.

But I only know of a handful of gals who can really sing the words of this song out from the bottom of their hearts.  I only know of a handful who can really say that they are not afraid of walking through the valley of the shadow and darkness because they know that God is right there along with them.

Now isn’t that kind of faith and strength (which comes only from Him above) seriously attractive?

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I must admit though that much of this definitely comes from all the Mark Driscoll talks I have been listening to.

The common theme throughout all his talks is simply this: how can we claim to follow after Jesus Christ – God who became man, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, who suffered the kind of death and betrayal that got Him sweating drops of blood simply thinking about it – and then at the same time pray for an easy way out of life?

“I am a Christian.  I place all my faith in Jesus Christ, so that I don’t have to live like Him.”

How ridiculous does that sound?

So, anyways, this is what I find most attractive right now.

That’s a woman with character.

I should host an audition and get the ladies to sing this song.

Vicky Beeching would probably sing it very well…….HAHAHA just kidding there.

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Romans 5 (NIV)

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Break On Through (To the Other Side)

I have had lots of fun during the past 3 months.

I especially remember a time when a sad looking lady walked in through the door, and me on my break was sitting out on the patio, decided to give her a Ricky special – a bright smile with semi-squinting eyes and a little greeting (something along the lines of “Hi there”) – and her response really got me.

“Keep smiling there, I really need that for a day like this”.

That’s when I discovered that power of Rickyness.  It ain’t the coffee I make, because all we do is press buttons there.

Anyways, as my friend puts it, it is so vital that I break out of this big bubble called Richmond.

And it’s happening.  It is, finally.

Now I just need to find a bedroom somewhere in Kits or something.  Now that would be something, wouldn’t it.

Right on time

Two things about being on time struck me.

First thing is the awesome customer service of Apple Inc.

My iPod died on Wednesday night, I went home after midnight (which is technically Thursday), went on their website, reported my problem, and voila – I received the little cardboard box in which I have to send them my iPod to fix/replace on Friday.

Second thing is, today is my last opening shift at Ackroyd Starbucks in my short but sweet 11-week stint there, and even though I went out to Blenz last night with a friend of mine till about midnight (man, their hot chocolate there is truly amazing) and didn’t sleep until 1AM (not the smartest thing to do when you’re opening, eh?), I still naturally got up a minute (4:09AM to be precise) before any of my 3 alarm clocks went off.

Now that’s some amazing psychology for ya.

Oh, on to my Saturday gongshows – where my day starts at 4AM and ends at 10:30PM, with a good handful of things in between.  Fantastic.

Greater things are still to be done

So last night I went and worshipped God Almighty with Bluetree and Vicky Beeching and some friends.

Without getting too much into how attractive of a Godly woman Vicky Beeching is, as I have just said last week that I will stop with the blonde British thing (talk about a woman who fits that category though!), I have gotta say that it was a night of real conviction and wake up call(s).

For the whole night, while screaming out lyrics that have touched my heart for the past 2 weeks, and getting real excited watching a keyboard player (Ian Jordan is his name) who actually has stuff to play other than some boring ol’ Christian pads (love the little synth lead riff in “God’s Plan”, and of course the piano bit to “God in this City”), I couldn’t stop thinking about how “sluggish” (this word came to mind) of a Christian I am.

I’m a coward in so many ways.

So many things are holding me back.  Yet I go on and sing songs on Sundays like “My Chains are Gone” or “Freedom Reigns”.

And so I got very……disturbed when I sang along to “God of this City”.

“Greater things are yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city…” are the words.

How am I even part of that?  I kept questioning myself.

And then my iPod died (who would’ve thought iPods ACTUALLY die?  I thought only people on online forums have theirs die), and then I got my first ever speeding ticket on my way home.

What a night.

Several application points that came out of the night:

- Ordered the book “God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation”, as Mark Driscoll highly recommended it in his Peasant Princess talks.  Very excited about this.  Gonna be the book to read with my accountability buddy.

- Fasting for 40 days starting sometime next week with my buddy.  We have decided though that instead of the traditional fasting FROM things, we are going to fast TO DO things.  Because we are not content on just being a sinner on vacation for 40 days.  Some of the things include journaling, reading the Word daily, meeting weekly, the whole works, etc.

- I am going to look into volunteering at some place like the Covenant House or Union Gospel Mission in downtown.  Something like that, where I’d get to actually see face to face some of the street kids and what not.  I am tired of serving and serving and serving and yet never stepping outside of the 4 walls of “church”……and then singing songs like “Multiply Your Love” and then doing nothing about it.

That’s about it for now.  Take care.

Kid

Lately I have been told time and time again by different people that I am really still a kid.

Not in the put down kind of way, mind you, but in the genuine, friendly kind of way.

And I think to a large extent I agree.

I get excited about the littlest of things (like making eye contact with the girl); I sweat over the smallest of things (quite literally); I don’t always see the big picture.

I open up really easily; I smile lots.

I got really happy when a customer told me I am a good barista.  That I made him a good Latte.

There are a lot of things that I have yet to experience.

Yet, to be frank, I am quite happy the way I am.

But don’t get me wrong.

I am not indulging in what the world currently seems to freely accept – that boys can just remain boys.

I think I have the right theology.  I think God has brought me enough conviction over the years to teach me what being a man after His own heart ought to be like.  I think I have grown quite a bit, and that I am still growing.

Sometimes I wonder if I really have the wrong motive.  Sometimes I wonder if I am just trying to serve harder, so that I will grow faster, which means God will find me that wife sooner.

But on second thought that can’t be true.

Afterall, finding one’s wife is not the ends.  It’s a MINISTRY. It’d be the start of something even tougher.

I love this passage, what a challenge it ought to be:

Ephesians 5

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

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I was quite upset this Saturday.  My friend and I were talking to this dude.  This dude who’s father to 2 kids.  And I mean one of his kids is like 10 years old, so this dude is by no means a new father.

Yet, when we got into a conversation about parenting, the dude sounded as clueless about it as my friend and I were.

It just worries me.  In fact, it angers me.  Why does this Christian culture we live in today breed so many men (or should I call us/them boys?) who would read up on the new iPhone for hours, yet give no thoughts to what being a husbands really means……what being a father really means?

What’s going on!

Happy Decisions

Yesterday was a crazy day. 

I talked to Eric Thurston from the Artizo group at St. John’s Shaughnessy.  Whether directly or indirectly, he basically challenged me to consider going into full-time ministry.  That was some real conviction there.  And it definitely was not a one-off kinda thing.  My conversation with this musician guy a couple of weeks ago pretty much challenged me similarly.  Decisions, decisions.  I think I am going to fast for 40 days about this.  With my accountability buddy.

I also did something that I think God, Mark Driscoll, and my “Shalomer” Tabitha would be proud of (I think she is, as I just e-mailed her)…and that is to be a man and do the right thing and take initiative! 

All the sitting on my bum asking “what if’s” just isn’t cool. 

Thanks to all the friends who spent the time to pray for me and listen to me =).  Honestly, it was amazing.  It was as if 50 pounds just got lifted off my chest.

And as a result of all this……I have decided that I am going to grow up and stop with the “finding a wife who’s blonde and has blue eyes and has a British accent” thing.  Because quite honestly, I have discovered that there are so many more awesomer things about that special one that go beyond that crap.

 10 A wife of noble character who can find?
       She is worth far more than rubies.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
       she can laugh at the days to come.

 26 She speaks with wisdom,
       and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

 27 She watches over the affairs of her household
       and does not eat the bread of idleness.

 28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
       her husband also, and he praises her:

 29 “Many women do noble things,
       but you surpass them all.”

 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
       but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Thanksgiving.

I am very grateful.

- that my friend prayed for rain in my life, and while everything went super well……I definitely had a whole 2 months of rain in my life emotionally and spiritually. It was as if the Spirit has added 50 pounds of burden on my shoulders. It was a great time of learning what prayer and quiet times are about.

I am very grateful.

- I have a home to come back to from my busy long days.  I have a car to drive and money to pay for gas.  I have money for any kind of food I want. I have money for school.  And time too.  Though not the right GPA, but oh well I could fix that, I suppose.

I am very grateful.

- that God has brought into my life some lovely friends.  Some great listeners amongst them.

I am very grateful.

- that I have been blessed with the gift of music (albeit not THAT big).  I have the gift of being smiley and genuine to people.

I am very grateful.

I crave for a homemade apple pie.  Pumpkin pie.  With vanilla ice cream on top. Turkey. Actually, I heard about this Turducken, where they stuff chicken into a duck, then the duck into a turkey.

I also crave for a family to come home to.  A bonfire in the backyard. A good cup of tea and maybe some biscuits. Maybe some coffee.  But a hot chocolate would be even better.

I don’t know what to say about Passion the other night.  It was definitely great worshipping with Chris Tomlin and thousands of other Vancouverites, but there isn’t much that I’d like to say that would be all that edifying.

I DO know that I am lucky enough to have reached that point in my life where I get to basically choose my own adventure.  I am not tied down financially.  I am not married with kids.  I could go back to school, find some random job, travel to some remote village, etc.

I want to dream some dreams right now.

You know, next next Wednesday I will get to worship with that pretty blonde girl from England……Vicky Beeching is her name.  Then there’s also Bluetree, this Northern Irish band who wrote “God in this City”.

I’m quite excited.