I definitely suffer from mood swings. Oh, I definitely do.
On certain days I feel really good about the purchase I made in December, namely the VW Rabbit. Yet, on other days, like today, I am filled with disgust and anguish and wish I could get out of this craphole and be gone forever.
On the good days, I love that the car is great looking on the outside, and that VW chose to use Death Cab’s ‘Your Heart is an Empty Room’, from one of my favourite albums, as the tune in the Rabbit’s TV advert, and that it has 170 horses for me to thoroughly enjoy, especially in 2nd, and that it is only the price of a fully-loaded Corolla yet it is a solidly built German engineered car instead, etc.
On the bad days, however, I wish I had purchased a crappy, used vehicle instead, something like a Jeep TJ from the early 90’s, or a Toyota Tercel, and never worry about driving over curbs and bumps, and never worry about hitting the wall in parking lots, and never worry about hitting the car next to me when I have to open the door in a hurry.
All this really boils down to the fact that I think I have bought into the illusion that life living in the suburbs working a middle class job is comfortable and that things are only going to look up from now.
I am quite certain that this is not the life I wanted when I was a kid thinking about my future.
I guess the good thing about mood swings is that they too shall pass. (that’s a paraphrase of Joanna, btw)
great post!
good, honest thoughts
I enjoy reading your blog. I’m an English teacher in Germany. . . though it’s not what I set out to be and I struggle with each step I take away from “charmingly poor” towards “boringly middle class.” My wife and I (before I met her, I had a lot of feelings similar to yours) bought a car last year and I hated the idea of becoming . . . main stream. (Is that one word? Maybe I shouldn’t have said I’m an English teacher. I don’t really have the ‘cool’ vocabulary.)
My point? I don’t know if I have one. But, if you’re not happy what you’re doing, I’d say my advice to you is to start thinking about forming your life the way you want it. Because, now that I’m married, I can tell you that it’ll be easier to get a wife who wants to live your crazy dream of “what I wanted when I was a kid thinking about my future” if you’re living it when you meet her. If you meet her as a middle-class suburban professional, she’s going to feel cheated when you tell her that you always wanted to spend your time touring the world on a motorcycle and working odd jobs.
But, if you meet her while you’re touring on a motorcycle, she’ll know what she’s getting into . . .
That was a ramble. I’ll sink back in the the shadows, now.
Don’t forget Jesus, either!
(I’ll sink back into the shadows too, now)